I had been the victim of school bullying.
My parents changed my school and I hoped that the years of bullying were over.
Then it started…the taunts, the whispers, the sneers…
No more! I screamed into my pillow. No more! Please!...
Then the mask…
The simplicity of it was; that no matter how afraid, insecure, or vulnerable I felt,
no one would see. They would only see the mask.
The mask was inspired by my brother’s primary school reader, “The Troll under the Bridge”.
I became; “Billy the Goat – the grass is always greener on the other side”. That was my mask.
Billy the Goat was an instant hit.
He was crazy, rebellious, aggressive, daring, and most of all…he was fearless!
Billy could drink more than anyone else, he was crazier and funnier than most.
He was a good sportsman too!
The mask embedded itself, and was in a way, desperately massaged into place.
Ah…to be accepted! To be part of the ‘in’ crowd.
The status!
I must say, that I never allowed any form of bullying to take place from my group.
I hated bullies, I suspect it was just that I couldn’t handle anyone else going through the same things that I went through.
The years passed and into adulthood I ventured, wearing my mask.
Even I was unaware of who the real me was any more.
Drink, drugs, broken relationships...
Who was I ?
I found myself in church, I had been given my last chance to change.
I took it...
As I gave myself to Jesus, and I accepted that my sins were forgiven something happened.
The mask of deception and fear that become so intertwined,
so embedded in my life that I couldn’t remove it, came off.
It was as if the Lord had slipped His Hand under the mask and supernaturally just popped it off.
I felt vulnerable, afraid, guilty, shamed, convicted of sin, and insecure.
However, I had never felt so free.
I felt this huge burden lift from me.
I had received the miracle of being reborn.
I was a new creation.
(Extracts from "Justin’s Mask-erade"
A brief biography of Justin Lippiatt.)
The Painted Face.
With painted face and huge red nose,
His tummy wobbles under bright, baggy clothes.
His over-sized shoes cause him to trip,
His belly goes "Pop" and he quivers his lip.
Happy children laugh with delight,
Because he is such a funny sight.
Tumbling about and falling down,
Everyone loves the clumsy old clown.
His painted face is his disguise
No one can guess if he's silly or wise.
What are his feelings deep within?
Is he sad beneath that grin?
Each new day as you face life's tasks
Do you go out wearing your masks?
Feigning an image you know is not true
Just to please others all around you.
But there is One who knows you inside,
And with you He will always abide.
With God there is no need for pretence,
Because He brought you into existence.
Face life, be who you are,
With God within, you're better by far.
Others will then show you respect,
And bright, happy days you'll come to expect.
(By Doreen Hardie)
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